drifting

The first time I heard about plate tectonics, I was 10 and visiting London, marvelling at my proximity to the queen, the abundance of escalators and the Natural History Museum.

This was when the only Indian at Madame Tussaud’s was a very wooden, wax Gandhi and google was either a number I wouldn’t want to count up to or a devious cricket ball, both badly misspelled.

I had then only vaguely heard of Pangaea, but with the museum’s interactive touch screens in front of me, it now seemed to make perfect sense. There even was a timeline with estimations of what future landmass distribution would look like. I was sure that if I only closed my eyes, I could feel England inching towards the rest of Europe. After all, according to the map, 50 years down the line when I was more grown-up than I could possibly imagine, Arabia would be drifting in a sea it could now more rightfully call its own, the Atlantic Ocean would have overtaken the Pacific becoming the new reigning World’s Largest Water Body champion and Australia would be much quicker to get to.

And if entire continents were changing shape, I didn’t dare imagine what countries or even cities would be going through.

I thought about it for a bit and came to the conclusion that tectonics (despite its deceivingly modern sounding name that at first made me think, like ‘fantabulous’, had its origins in two distinct words – technical electronics, perhaps), had been around for quite a while. Besides, even if there was some danger, it was up to the adults to figure out what to do next.

It was only later, with a mixture of disappointment, relief and quite a bit embarrassment, I realized that in my screen touching frenzy I had skipped a word between 50 and years. ‘Million’ was never my favourite number anyway.

Of course, by then in my mind the continental drift had given away to more pressing concerns - namely buying batteries for my walkman. Backstreet’s Back was just out on tape.

it wasn't me

The bad news is that the earth is rotating slower even as I type.

The good news is that the speed of retardation is so slow that by the time a day becomes as long as a month the sun would have evolved into a red-giant and there probably wouldn’t be anyone left on earth to complain about how even a really large lunch is just not enough to get through the rest of the day.

Even better news is that this slowing down of the earth is because of the gravitational pull of the moon. It’s not our fault!

Nowadays everything to do with the earth and the changes it's going through seems to be our fault. Even the fact that ‘environmental’ and ‘conservation’ make sense in quick succession is evidently something to worry about.

When I first heard about the concept, I wanted to help. Then the bell rang – it was time for Maths and I forgot all about it.

Recently Global Warming came back in my life. I think 2007 is to blame, first with constant complaints about climate change, then Al Gore’s movie and finally the Nobel Prize. Now it refuses to leave. Conversations seem to steer towards it, every thing I’ve watched on TV makes me think about it – Tata Nano, Reliance Power, Britney’s Rehab.

Sometimes I get up in the morning feeling worried and guilty. It takes me a while to realize that the feeling isn’t because I’ve missed a deadline or haven’t studied for a test. It’s Global Warming.

Surely there are other people who feel the same.

Surely I’m not the only one who is weighed down by the burden of it.

Surely all this guilt and worry isn’t good. For all I know, it probably is a major cause of stress, heart problems and even cancer.

I think Global Warming has a lot of potential. With a bit of research it could probably overtake “my dog ate it” to become the best excuse ever.

do a little dance

The day I agreed that it was about time I got a life (which, according to the version I was agreeing to could mean anything from ‘job’ to ‘real degree’, ‘gym’ or ‘prawns’) was when Anu told me about this entire generation that exists with no knowledge about the Macarena, for the only reason that the phenomenon took place before their time.

“It’s a real generation,’” she insisted, “not just babies born last week.”

I thought about it and a horrifying moment later, realized Anu was right. There are teenagers out there, and not just a few, but thousands of them, dancing at clubs, listening to music and probably making some of their own, who wouldn’t be able to coordinate dance moves to the song. For all I know, the Macarena according to them might be

1. more manly than macaroni
2. a careless spelling of the Scottish boxing ring MacArena
3. pizza topping
4. a Goan folk song

I guess I’ve never noticed the songs I listen to becoming part of retro hour, because by the time I discovered the music I like, it was 30 years since it had been recorded. The guys I listen to, now just sit back on the shelf at music stores, grooving with the others from classic rock, occasionally making an appearance as themes for tribute shows or inspiration for Jet and Franz Ferdinand.

Besides, I’ve always thought (with what I believed to be good reason) that 21 is not old enough to have listened to retro music as new singles just out on the charts.

Maybe it’s the age in which we live, with its notoriously quick pace of life. Considering that fast food and technological advances share similar time spans between production and best before dates, this particular Macarena update shouldn’t have come as such a shock.

Maybe I was wrong and 21 is old enough. After all everyone else my age is going through the same thing... aren’t they?

Maybe it doesn’t really matter, the Macarena already got more attention than it deserved, and I should probably take my agreeing to ‘get a life’ more seriously.